friends

I've written about my friend, fellow brain cancer survivor, and watercolor classmate, Michael Orchowski, in a previous post, but I'm going to do it again.  I want you to have an opportunity to participate in the remarkable journey of one of the most fascinating people I've ever met.  Are you reading this, Barbara Walters?

The Dream Foundation is collaborating with Cancer Center of Santa Barbara and 33 Jewels at El Paseo to present an exhibition of Michael's work, "Painting Toward Grace", on Thursday, December 1, 5-8pm, at 33 Jewels gallery in downtown Santa Barbara as part of 1st Thursday. 

From the event flyer:

"Michael's art is rich with imagery, with each of his paintings detailing his journey through and beyond illness.  Michael hopes that others will benefit from his experience, and enjoy this exhibition of his work...

"In the advanced stages of ALS, Michael's wish is to have an exhibition of his work "which would expose many others to my joie de vivre in spite of this strong infirmity." Paralyzed on his right side, and only able to use his non-dominant left hand, he strives to express himself in "joyful colors, with my right brain and my left hand.  The colors which I applied in the various paintings are happy and express my positive outlook towards life."

Nearly every painting Michael has painted in class will be on display and for sale, so there should be a lot of opportunities to obtain some one-of-a-kind holiday gifts!  Michael and his equally inspiring wife, Doedy, are generously donating the proceeds from the event to be divided equally between the Dream Foundation and the CCSB Wellness Programs, to increase awareness for both organizations.

Michael is a bright, shining light with an infectious smile, and an inspiration to everyone he meets.  But don't just take it from me - I've asked my classmates to contribute their thoughts on our friend Michael, too:

• "What a pleasure it is being a painting comrade with Michael. He is an inspiration of love and hope and an artist to boot! His paintings exude joy and life filled with color and brush strokes that define his unique style, absolute "Michaelness". His art is a true expression of his life, his heart and his story, which is compelling and reaches out and touches the viewer. I'm glad that he found his brush." - Libby Whaley
• "Michael is the kind of philosopher we need quoted in textbooks.  Upbeat, courageous, memorable, he smiles at himself and the capriciousness of life.  Michael has a droll sense of humor, and a gentle, loving and sensitive heart.  He’s a one-of-a-kind artist, and an inspiring member of our art class.  He’s a hero!" - Laurette Valentine
• "Michael's art has always expressed to me his love of life in the face of challenges and pain. His good humor and whimsy belies strength founded in humility and kindness." - Michael Taylor
• "When I first met Michael I felt an immediate bond with him. I know he felt it, too. It was only after my initial meeting and conversations with him that I was able to step back and appreciate his art. What a treat that was! He can somehow capture what is going on in his body with paint and paper in the most amazing way. His paintings are expressive, organic and extremely captivating. He is a remarkable person in many, many ways and an artist in the BEST sense. I am proud to know him." - Karen Westheimer
• "I'm the girl that sat next to you most of the time at class. Your work there has been an authentic journey towards Heaven.  Your graceful attitude has inspired many a great deal. I looked forward for Mondays to come. I have enjoyed the comments, the interaction and the encouragement with you. I hope to see you at your coming exhibit. You leave behind you a work of love that I personally appreciate. Your presence will be real to me in my future work, and I hope will reflect what friendship and support can bring to a searching world for true goodness. Your positiveness gave me hope and then some.  Ma el salama, my dear friend......" - Natalie Khoury
• "Watching Michael paint is an education in itself. Every brush stroke is loaded with meaning and is an integral part of the whole painting. In this way, each of us adds an integral part to the lives of those around us. Michael has shown us by example that, no matter what challenge arises, there is a way to express yourself and create beauty in your very own, wonderful style. Thank you, Michael, for blessing us with so many magical paintings--you can always tell an Orchowski!" - Tessa Flanagan
• "Michael is our Archangel." - Rick Stich, Instructor
• "The kindest blue eyes. Big blue and filled with love. His art is an extension of his love and the way he lives. Each piece is filled with bright colors, abstract, yes but his message is clear, live each moment in joy and hope. I love you Michael...you know that." - Charlene Hovey

Please join Michael's friends and help Michael fulfill his dream on this very special night.

• Location: 33 JEWELS AT EL PASEO, 814 State Street, 805-957-9100
• Date: Thursday, December 1, 2011
• Time: 5:00 - 8:00pm
• Bonus: Wine and refreshments will be served.

Cancer's a weird thing.  For all the pain and distress it brings, I've found that it can bring equal amounts of opportunity, hope, and enlightenment for everyone affected.  The avenue to health through cancer can be eye-openingly positive with the right kind of support.  And my Yellow-Brick Road to this conclusion went directly through the front doors at the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara.  As I've told so many people, "Santa Barbara is the place to have cancer, if you must, because of the Cancer Center."

The staff and doctors at CCSB took me in for treatment before I was qualified for any financial assistance, because I needed treatment "now, not whenever the state figures out that you qualify."  The caring staff felt like a family by the end of my seven weeks of radiation.  I was actually sad it was over, because I wouldn't get see them every day!

In addition to offering outstanding medical care, cutting-edge technology, and an ultra-caring staff; CCSB provides a vast array of classes, therapies, and counseling - all free of charge to patients through their CCSB Wellness Programs.  I've been taking watercolor and yoga classes, receiving Healing Touch Therapy, and attending support groups at the CCSB Wellness Center for almost a year now.  Their Wellness Programs perfectly complement the outstanding medical care provided by top-notch physicans with opportunities to heal mind and spirit while the physical body battles cancer.  I can't say enough to express my gratitude for CCSB's emphasis on healing the Whole Person through Whole Wellness.

Through my activities at CCSB I'm learning new skills, keeping myself sane and happy, getting the help and support I need, and meeting lots of interesting new friends.  There are a lot of amazing people with whom I may have never come into contact if it weren't for the common thread of cancer and the CCSB.  I've met so many people through the CCSB's Wellness Programs: fellow cancer survivors and warriors, amazing staff, volunteers, teachers, and family members of my cancer peers.  

One of my new friends is a fellow brain cancer survivor and watercolor student, Michael Orchowski.  He is an inspiration: a bright, shining light to everyone he meets, and I'm super-lucky to get to spend time with him every Monday in art class.  

Here's his remarkable story: Following brain cancer surgery, Michael embraced painting classes offered by the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara. Losing strength and control on his right arm and hand, Michael learned to be left-handed.  Inspired by his beloved Corgi dog, he began using his left hand to paint particular images and colors without making conscious decisions of what he was painting. Michael's cancer is no longer active thanks to the skills of surgeons and the wonderful medical and spiritual support of many medical staff, friends and family and the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara. 

Michael donates most of his paintings to CCSB, and they've taken five of his doggie paintings and printed them on notecards to sell in 5-card assortment packs for $10 (All 5 cheerful images, shown above, right!).  I've bought a pack, my parents have bought a pack, and I'm suggesting that if you like these cards, you do, too.  Your purchase will help a tremendous organization continue to help people like me, when they need it the most.  The cards will brighten the day of whoever receives them.  Just like the smile of my friend Michael brightens everybody's day and lights up every room he enters.

Your $10 donation is tax-deductible and (much-needed) proceeds will be donated to the valuable Wellness Programs at the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara. To learn more, please email the Wellness Center Coordinator, or call (805) 898-2204.  Please tell them that Lisa Tomlin sent you. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I find it perfectly appropriate that Santa Barbara seems to be having the most cleansing powerwash of a Super Rainstorm today on the first day of Spring 2011.  Seeing as how there's not much to do outside today, I'll sit inside, cozied up to the fire in my little cabin in the woods, listen to the rain on the roof (in the bucket under the skylight, too) and reflect on the messages of the changing season and cleansing rain.

Such a magnificent metaphor, Spring is, with the cleaning, renewal, rebirth, spring showers nourishing new growth, and fresh starts.  I've been having a similar experience within myself, as persistent positivity continues to pay off in the way of increased opportunities thus far in 2011.

I'm preparing for my own rebirth of sorts as I approach my "cancer-versary".  April marks two years since my brain cancer diagnosis, and while I continue monthly chemo as a precautionary measure, that nasty old tuber thankfully remains missing, nowhere to be found, in any of my scans since the December 2, 2010 MRI that had us all asking, "Where'd it go?"  Best day ever...

So even though the posting has been light here on Girlbert.com, it simply means that I've had other things to do beside dwelling on that silly old tumor that isn't there!  I'm finding myself getting wrapped up in other activities, you know, the stuff of life?  Finding myself less hindered by health concerns (and the nasty anxiety that comes with them), I'm getting a fresh start with a new version of normal.  Opportunities abound in 2011!  It goes something like this...

I'm learning new things: taking watercolor and yoga classes at the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara.  So important to keep my brain taking in new information, my mind happy, and my body active; as I continue on my healing journey.

I'm getting back on the horse: riding, teaching, and training. Very important that a horse girl have horses to ride, pamper, and learn from.  Many opportunities to do just that have recently presented themselves, making me think I could find work doing what I love, just as soon as I'm ready!

I'm gaining control over my financial situation: tackling my ongoing credit issues and thinking about what kind of work I can do that will supplement our income.

I'm going places: I'm looking forward to my first trip abroad this week - I'll be traveling to England with my Mom to visit my brother for the next two weeks!  I'm flying to Chicago first, then Mom and I leave the next day for London.  A couple of days there with my bro and then we're taking the train to Paris for the weekend!  The second weekend we'll get to see Stonehenge, which has long been on my "Must See Before I Die" list!  I'm bursting with excitement about getting spend time my parents and brother, but I'm over-the-top-busting-at-the-seams-giddy about seeing England and Paris!  Lifetime opportunity courtesy of my amazing parents.  Love you guys!

I'm making more time for social activities:  Boyfriend and I are making a point to take ourselves out for "Date Nights" after two years of putting "Us" on the backburner for my physical health.  I'm making new friends through all of my classes, support groups and horse activities; and reconnecting with old friends, too.  Interacting with people and putting myself out there as a soon-to-be-employable horse girl again has been good for my mind and spirit!

I'm happy:  I see everything I've overcome in the last couple of years and I'm smiling.  A lot.  I'm letting the creative, interested, smart, curious horsegirl out to play!  And she's having fun, even in the rain!

I'm grateful: I acknowledge all of the help and support I've received in the last couple of years, and I'm humbled by all the love and kindness that continues to flow in from friends, family, and even strangers.  Virtual hugs!

So - the messages of spring are reccurring, universal, and blatantly obvious.  My brain tumor is gone, then my car breaks.  My car is fixed, turned out not to be a big deal, but I have to file for bankruptcy.  But that's life - your very own version of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride through a series of ups and downs, with the point being there is an up to every down.   Realizing that is the biggest hurdle of all, so once you're there, the rest is easier and the lessons, clearer.

So weather the storm, because there's always something good on the other side.  Waiting out the rain, no matter how torrential, is the only way to get to the rainbows, the flowers, the sparkling trees, green grass, and singing birds.  And the storm passes more quickly if you learn to smile, laugh, and dance in the rain!

Welcome, Spring.  Thanks for another great year.

The last couple of weeks have been tough.  Busy, busy, busy - like a hamster on a wheel.  Going nowhere - really fast.  Working all the time, feeling like I'll never catch up, and it was really getting me down.  Last month I got this tremendously great news about my health, but I've been catching myself in the throes of negativity more often than I'd like to admit.  I was certainly off-track of my normally positive outlook.  How do you practice what you preach, Girlbert?  The answer wasn't coming as quickly as I would have liked, so I wrote this little reminder for myself.  Maybe it'll be helpful for some of you, too. 

  Here some of the tricks I use to stay on track in the practice of a happy, healthy life:

• I meditate.  Every day - even if it's just for a few minutes.  I try to stop and focus on my breathing: Inhale...Exhale.  So simple, and does wonders for my stress level!
• I journal.  I never know when I'll need to jot something down, so I keep a small notebook with me.  I tell people that good or bad, it's better to get it out of your head and on paper than let it take over your mind.  Then you can look at it on page and determine if it's worth more of your energy.
• I stop what I'm doing when I'm hungry and make food for myself.  I make a point to consciously feed my body healthy food.
• I get outside and enjoy nature.  I appreciate all of the earth's creatures and taking the time to admire them renews my sense of wonder and humility.
• Find the humor and laugh!  There's something funny in every situation (I promise!), and if you can do that, you'll get through anything.
• I cry if I need to, then pick myself up and move on.  But most importantly, don't bottle it up - let it OUT!  It's okay to be angry/sad/whatever, as long as you address it and move on.
• I make time for the things I love to do.  It's important to have a hobby or creative outlet.  I started taking a watercolor class through the Cancer Center this fall, and I'm having a blast learning how to paint!  Learning something new is so good for your mind, and being an art student reminds me that we're all students in the lesson that is life!  I've also recently begun to take more time for my horse and my horse friends and that's been good for my spirit and to reconnect with the horse girl inside me.  Reminds me that I'm still a horse girl, just waiting to get back in the saddle.
• I exercise.  Okay, not every day, but I try to do something to get my blood pumping at least every other day.  Then I yoga or do some pilates at home on days in between.  I admit I'm not a big fan of exercising for exercising's sake, but I've seen the results of with vs. without:  My blood counts (taken every week) are more stable, my mood is better, and I definitely have more energy with exercise.  (Don't they have some research to prove that, somewhere, too?)  Not to mention I look better with a little muscle on, and who doesn't like to look good?  A shaman once told me, "if you look good, you feel good."
• I love to read, so I turn to the following authors when I need inspiration and support: I have to give credit to Shirley MacLaine for getting me started on my spiritual journey, so I consider anything of hers worth reading, but probably start with Out on a Limb.  Louise Hay has written numerous inspirational books on self-healing and cured her own cancer.  Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success is simple, yet eye-openingly profound.  I go back to Richard Bach's Illusions, Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Running From Safety again and again for inspiration.  Not a big reader?  I've come across several thought-provoking documentaries over the last couple of years, too: Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Cancer, Temple Grandin, and What The Bleep Do They Know? are a few of the most memorable.
• I keep a record of inspiring or thought-provoking quotations to refer to when I need a quick pick-me-up.  When I come across an inspirational phrase, I write it down in a notebook.  Here are a few:

"Whether you think you can or you can't; you are right."  Henry Ford

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."  Emerson

"Make every day the best day of the year."  Emerson

"Whether it is life or a horse that throws you, get right back on."  Author Unknown

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Confucius

"Some succeed because they are destined to; others because they are determined to."  Author Unknown

"Do unto others because they ARE us."  Shirley MacLaine

"The only journey worth taking is the one through oneself."  Yeats

"Argue for you limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach

"An uninvestigated life is not worth living."  Socrates

I stole some of the quotations above from Gayle Lampe's book, Riding For Success.  Gayle was my amazing professor and riding instructor at William Woods University.  Lucky for me, she's a dear friend as well.

And I have to give credit to so many healers, friends (animals, too!), shamans, energy workers, family members, doctors, holistic practitioners, and some people I've never even met; for inspiring me to be better, learn more, and HEAL.  So put yourself out there - you never know who you'll meet, what you'll learn, or what you'll get back.   Know that your energy, love, and support will be returned, times ten!

You'd better believe it.

So there's more to the title of that last post - much more - but I opted to quit with just the facts last time.  Just get everybody up to speed with the story, while taking a little more time to process and plan Part Two.

As I wrote the previous post, something struck me as I typed the words, "Believe It."  They appeared on the screen before me, and I realized I had much more to share than "Just the facts, m'am".  One of my mantras over my years of exploration into my own spirituality, my mission in this lifetime, on this planet; has been "If I believe it, well then it must be true," or "If you believe that, that it will be true for you."  I'm always telling people: "There is so much power in what you think!"  Also, "Write down what you want, and you'll have it."

I was really lucky to have this really great riding instructor, professor, and mentor in college whose mantra was, "There's no sense in practicing at all, if you're going to practice the wrong things.  Practice correctly, or don't practice at all."  She was, of course, talking about riding horses, but I've carried that mantra with me through all aspects of life.  She's also one of the happiest, cheeriest people I know, so I'm pretty sure she applies this statement to her whole life, too.

I didn't realize how to apply it to more than riding then, but I see it so clearly now.  I've been working for a long time toward the goal of being happy, and more recently, toward health.  Obviously the two go hand in hand!  So I practice happiness, instead of sadness.  I practice making healthy choices, instead of unhealthy choices.  This isn't to say I'm always happy or healthy, or that it's easy.  But I make a conscious effort to practice correctly.  If I get off course, I make a correction.  And I learn from my mistakes.  And I believe that I will achieve my goals.  I write down what I want.  I imagine myself succeeding.  And I know anything is possible, as long as I believe it.

I struggle with doubt, sure.  I have to fend off plenty of sadness.  There will always be obstacles, but the point is to not let my mind be one of them.  But I've made a practice of believing everything will work out in a positive way, provided that I stay focused on the positive outcome.  I've had plenty of help from healers, shamans, and energy workers to help drive that point home throughout the years, and it's finally starting to stick.  I'm still a student and life is one lesson after another, but practice makes perfect.

You'd better believe it.

I'd been thinking about it for months.  Maybe even a year.  Then the day came and went, and I didn't even acknowledge it, at least not the way I should have.  I told a handful of people, "My old grey horse, Reggie, turns 30 today."

Reggie is my grand old lesson pony, left in the fabulous care of a dear friend in Colorado when I moved to Califonia in 2008.  It broke my heart to have to leave him, but it would have been selfish to uproot him and haul him halfway across the country at his age. 

I'd intended to write something sigificant, something memorable, something that would adequately capture the essence of the little grey horse that could.  But every time I sat down to tackle the task I realized just how much there was - just how big this little grey horse really is.

So many stories, so little internet!

Nearly eleven years ago, I had just arrived in Colorado and was in desperate need of a good "baby beginner" lesson mount for my newly established Premier Riding School.  A friend of a friend of a friend told me about this 19 year-old grey Arabian gelding, registered with the Purebred Arabian Horse Association as High Regard.  He was described as having "a lot of use left in him" and the owner was looking to give him to a good home so that he "didn't go to waste".  I'd like to say I rescued him from a nearly abandoned barn, regretfully leaving his stablemate behind, but I realize now that he saved me.  Because he quickly established himself as the safest, most trustworthy, most well-trained lesson horse I've ever had the privilege to call my own.  He became the anchor of my riding lesson program.

Reggie was the horse that endured bouncing, pulling and mixed signals as students learned the basics of horsemanship and balance.  Not that he was a dead-head or without flaws, but I quickly learned not to judge this rough, fleabitten, arthritic, old gelding by his cover.  He was smart.  Too smart, sometimes.  He was sensitive and opinionated (ask my vet!).  And he was funny.  As in, he laughed at his own jokes.  This little grey horse was unmatched in the humor department, and he reminded me to lighten up when I needed it.  So, I laughed with him.

He understood his job, and took it very seriously.  He didn't just carry people around - he safely instilled confidence in the most timid of riders, but knew when a student had turned a corner and was ready to take it to the next level.  He taught me how to teach people to ride.  Over the years I watched him humble countless riding students when they needed it, including advanced show riders and adults.  Just try getting on him with any inkling in your mind that you know more than he does.  Sometimes an advanced adult rider wouldn't be able to get him to trot.  At all.  He was his own version of, "So you think you can ride?"

But he was so much more than just any lesson horse.  I spent at least an hour a day with Reggie, usually six days a week, for seven years.  He was my business partner and my friend.  He taught my students every bit of horsemanship, from the ground up.  I used to tell people, "he teaches the lessons, not me!"  He didn't just teach students to ride, but to listen, as well.  Myself included.

But wait, there's so much more:  Reggie has touched the lives of so many, please complete his story, from your perspective, in the comments below.  Whether it's a whole story, or just a quick sentence, Reg and I want to hear from you!  Spread the word...there's a PRIZE involved - ten notecards with Reggie's face on them to my favorite comment before August 15, 2010!

I've been trying to write this post for over three weeks now, but it's the post that never ends (Yes, it goes on and on, my friend...).  Edit after edit, the message had become infinitely convoluted, and I'd become increasingly frustrated.  So I scrapped the whole thing and started over.  

I'll get straight to the point, because the message is very simple:  Thank you, everybody, for an amazing visit back home.  I had so much fun!  I love you and miss you very much.  I am overwhelmed by your love and support, as always, and I can't wait to see you again.  When the weather's warmer.

And if pictures are worth a thousand words, well, then my work is done, because here's the link to the photo gallery.  Enjoy!  I know I did...

Here I am!  Not writing has been killing me, with so little space in my head for remembering!

Boyfriend had sailing work in Southern California and Mexico for most of February.  My oncologist almost fell out of his chair laughing when I asked.  "Mexico?  That would be a NO."  I sort of need a babysitter, so we decided I would go stay with friends and family while he was working.

So off the midwest I went.  My first stop was St. Louis, to visit my friend Kari.

Kari is one of my oldest horse friends.  And I'm not talking about her age, because we're only a year apart.  But I've known Kari since the fourth grade, that would be twenty-four years, which is a long time in horse years.  We took lessons at the same riding stable in North Aurora, Illinois.   We grew up riding and showing Saddlebred horses together in Illinois, Iowa and Wisconsin.  She came to my graduation from William Woods University in Fulton, MO.  We were in each other's weddings. 

Then I was out of touch.  Recently, her old horse Bubba passed away and we got back in touch.  When Kari suggested that I make St. Louis the first leg of my three-week tour, I jumped at the chance.  I had yet to meet her daughter, Ella (she's six already!), and her new horses, Rooty and Thumper.

Kari and I didn't miss a beat, riding horses, talking horses, breathing horses.  (Thanks for putting up with us, Dave!)  The only thing that has changed is the addition of the fascinating, profound combination of Kari and Dave that is their daughter, Ella.  Nice to meet you, young lady.

We even took a road trip (sans the 80s music - damn broken iPod!) to Farmington, MO to see another couple of dear friends - Andy Amsden and my old horse, Amy.  She looks fabulous and happy, and clearly remembered me.  I can still see her expression as she touched my arm gently with her nose (Mom!... touch...You're... touch...here!... touch....), just like she always did.  I love you, too, girlie.  Thank you, Andy, for taking such great care of my girl!

We finished up our five days of good 'ol equine-saturated bliss with a drive up north into Illinois, meeting my parents halfway.  We had lunch, tearful goodbyes, then my parents took me the rest of the way to their house in Aurora, IL.  On Kari's birthday, no less.  Thanks for sharing your day with me, Kari.  Thanks for everything.

Let's do it again soon, 'kay?

Check out the photo gallery.

Further midwest adventures coming soon!

I received this fantastic email from a friend, then passed it on to a handful of friends, one of whom posted it on her blog.  Huh.  There's a novel idea.  Well, YAHOOIE for that, because I get to put some new content on my site without having to write much.  Which is good because I'm on my monthly dose of chemo this week, and the writing's just not flowing...

They call this chemo-brain.  It's like the process I have to go through to convice myself that taking a nap is better that just being a grouchy blob on the couch just to be upright for a few hours a day.

Anyway, this is a great story.  Enjoy!

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all..

One is Evil.  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

...that I don't bitch and moan on this website.  It's not that I'm trying to hide anything, it's just that I fully believe that there is an up-side to everything.  For every bad, there is a good.  Even if the good is not visible on a given day, it's just ahead, I just have to be patient, or learn the lesson.  Never mind that it's generally far more healing for me to write about the positive than to dwell on negative.

But I've been really crabby and ungrateful - last week was a hell of a week in terms of medication and side effect adjustments.  As in goodbye steroid-induced manic superwoman, hello and welcome back, Keppra-induced brain fog, headaches and fatigue.  

So I was preparing a terrible, long-winded post about breaking my rule, insert bitching and moaning here, a little "poor me" on top, and just before hitting publish...

The mail arrived.  With a package from someone I've never met in person, but who has become a good friend via email, Facebook and blogging since my diagnosis.   Laurel Hermanson sent me a copy of her novel, Soft Landing, and a gift card to Trader Joe's.  Wrapped in Girlbert-green paper, tied up in a shiny, brown bow.  Oh, and a lovely card with a very touching sentiment.  It made me laugh.  It produced a smile from a face puffy and tear-streaked after days of hysterical unreasonableness (poor Boyfriend!)  I wanted to run right up to Portland and hug her.

Someone I've never met.  Wait - there are so many of you whom I've never met.  And you send your positivity and love and well wishes and kind, generous gifts.  And suddenly I remembered all the people and things I have to be grateful for.