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Last night over dinner with friends, gay adoption became the topic of discussion.  Because the gay couple across the street had just adopted a baby.  I was startled to realize that in lieu of expressing happiness for the couple and their new baby, one of my friends declared, "That's so wrong."  I shook my head and my other friend concluded, "I just think it's confusing for the children."  Not prepared to debate such an issue with friends, I didn't have my thoughts collected, much less take the opportunity to share them.

I guess this is why I have a blog.

 What I should have said was, "That's such a uneducated, bullshit card to play."

Because if we're going to play that game, what's NOT wrong about Jon and Kate?  And how CONFUSING are Kevin and Britney?  Could these be shining examples of family situations, just because they're heterosexual?  Seriously?

The child of the homosexual couple is going to be JUST FINE because he'll grow up in a loving family with parents who love and want him.  Children are naturally more accepting and malleable than their adult counterparts give them credit for, anyway.  Gay rights and gay families are only confusing to a child because a parent or teacher or other such shining example of adulthood makes it that way.  What's WRONG is you teaching your children NOT about love and acceptance, but judgement, by YOUR OWN EXAMPLE.

That homosexual couple has put so much thought and effort into adopting that baby.  You can bet that they had to dig deep to get past a lot of judgement and hate to get to that place.  And they're certainly in a much more evolved place than the average couple getting pregnant, because THEY HAVE TO BE.  That child is far more likely to grow up more accepting and less judgemental because his parents will be forced to educate him about differences between people, whether it be sexual, cultural or racial.

There are plenty of children who grow up in heterosexual households, with multiple or unique family situations as the result of divorce or whatever, who have far more confusing family lives.  Just because a child is the product of a heterosexual family doesn't mean he's exempt from confusion about sexuality, because it's actually quite the opposite.  Better that he learn the reality that homosexuality (gasp!) and gay marriage and adoption (the HORROR!) actually exist, at a young age.  It breaks my heart that I have family that chooses not to educate their children about homosexuality, instead to pretend as though it doesn't exist.  How confusing is that?

I had a friend tell me a long time ago, during an exchange about whether or not we were going to have children, now that we were both married, "I guess we'll have a kid - that's what people do, after they get married."  Now that's WRONG, and I don't even believe in WRONG.  (I believe that everyone does the best they can, given the cards they are dealt.) Another friend once told me, "Not everyone can have a driver's license, but anyone can have kids."  Now I'm confused...

Just my thoughts.  Feel free to express yours in the comments.

Comments

you know that i'm all for gay

rebelprince26's picture

you know that i'm all for gay adoption.  i can't wait to adopt a child.

 

...as soon as i have a partner to help me.   Who in our family doesn't teach their children about homosexuality?

I can't wait for you to be a Dad

girlbert's picture

You'll be the BEST! 

And Boyfriend's family is also my family.

ahh...

rebelprince26's picture

ahh...

Sigh...

I had the EXACT SAME conversation with my mom about a year back. Grade school friend, let's call her Jenna, decided she wanted to have a baby with her partner. She and her partner have been in an established, healthy relationship. Have stable jobs. Bought a house in the suburbs after deciding that was a better place for little ones than the city. Took parenting classes for gay couples. And are totally planning this and weighing all of their options before moving forward. Of course, according to my mom and Jenna's mom, this is VERY VERY WRONG.

Jenna's brother, on the other hand, knocked up his girlfriend. Decided to marry her. Had no plans for baby. No good job. All 3 had to live with his mother to make it. But this hetero, dysfunctional family is RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So a gay couple in the US

So a gay couple in the US must go through a lot to adopt a child - they have to WANT it.

There are always situations where someone has a child for strange self-centered reasons, that, as close as I can tell are "This little thing will love me unconditionally.  And it's sooo cute."  Three or four years go by the give up on the brat and think: "This little thing will love me unconditionally.  And it's sooo cute."

And that happens a lot.  But when choices are stigmatized rather than being "just what people do" it takes a lot more perseverance to make them.  So I think it happens a lot less when people really have to want it.

At the same time, if Johnny doesn't have a dad, I think it's really important that his 'grow up like Dad' part gets enough attention.  But then, who among us is balanced?  You have beliefs based on... well, OK, so most beliefs are never questioned.  You have likes and dislikes based on... well, again, based only on what you've experienced.  Are you perfectly comfortable in your own sexuality?  Or your image of it?   Enough so that something or someone who questions it is easily laughed off?

How about perfectly accepting of others?  And their choices?

It's really easy to point fingers.  More so when you KNOW deep down the problem is yours.

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